D3 body, D1 cock
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
