Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
