is your mom at the bar?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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