I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
