I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
