Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
