jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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