I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
