I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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