I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
