There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
