So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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