my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize