High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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