What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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