just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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