True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
