Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
