Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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