I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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