ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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