I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
