A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
