I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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