she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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