you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize