My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
