There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
