Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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