her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
