Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
