You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
