girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
