im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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