I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
