I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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