I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
