Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
