FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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