I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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