Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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