May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
