I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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