just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
