Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(256): View more from Alabama

Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?

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(510): View more from California

You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying

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(410): View more from Maryland

I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism

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(315): View more from New York

My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.

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(770): View more from Georgia

She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.

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(425): View more from Washington

i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea

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(203): View more from Connecticut

and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down

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(912): View more from Georgia

I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.

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