I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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