Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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