More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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