I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
In other news, I just burned my penis
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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