eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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