I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
