When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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