and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
