Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She's just so happy...and so naked.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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