Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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