i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
All the doctor said was why
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
