all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
