Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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