There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
