Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
