Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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