Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
