where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
