Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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