I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
