Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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