if only i could text you this smell
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
