just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
