Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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