"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
