I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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