I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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