this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
