When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There are leaves in my underwear?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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