if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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