I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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