Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize