i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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