Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
