Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
