Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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