last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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