Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
