2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
