Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I deserve this hangover.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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